Written by an eBid seller (username Cheaver)
"1. Don't fill in your All About Me page..... Tell prospective Buyers absolutely nothing about yourself. Don't let them think you are a human being who cares and is trying to help them as best you can. You're just a faceless "thing" - Buyers love that.
2. Do list your items as RUS - Run Until Sold items stay at the bottom of the viewings lists.... brilliant, you can have your goodies all to yourself ~ FOREVER!
3. Don't open a Store - your items will enjoy floating about the eBid ether with thousands of other similar items.
4. Don't bother to change listing titles in any way thus making sure you have lots of duplicates - guaranteed to get them deleted. See 2 ~ and remember FOREVER.
5. Don't advertise your items in the Plug Forum AT ALL.... after all, all Forum members are Sellers and Sellers don't BUY do they? Anyway, Buyers don't read the Forums do they?
6. Have loads of references to eBay in your listings, with live links, and contact details - then eBid will remove them all and your descriptions will read like gobble-de-gook..... nice one!
7. Don't go to any trouble to properly describe your item - don't even bother to put what it is in your title.... Buyers will love trying to fathom it all out.
8. Ignore the HELP Button (top right) and don't read up any FAQ's or see any How To video's - or ask Forum members for advice (and then take it) - just assume every online auction site works the same as everywhere else.
9. Don't waste time thinking of suitable keywords in your titles so that the search engines can bring you loads more potential customers - the search engines will be glad of less work to do.
10. Leave the Item Specifics section in the listing form totally blank - guaranteed to make sure you won't get any Buyers from Google Shopping.
11. Don't bother putting up decent pictures of your items - out of focus will do just fine. Take really dark fuzzy pictures against a highly patterned background. This is particularly recommended if the item is itself patterned. (thanks squern). Don't bother rotating your pictures so that your item is shown upright - ALL Buyers have a 90 degree bend (to either side as appropriate) in their necks. Do remember to upload upside down pictures of your items - this will be especially appreciated by the Australian Buyers who can't see your items anyway 'cos you don't ship to Australia. That's the Oz Buyers fixed.
12. Make sure your eBid items are dearer to buy than anywhere else - even though the fees on eBid are less - guaranteed to make Buyers go elsewhere.
13. Remember to thoroughly rip potential Customers off by charging exorbitant postage fees.... enjoy your extra free time gazing at your unsold items (gained by not bothering to properly weigh & calculate proper costs).
14. Don't offer ANY of your items overseas..... Buyers only live in your Country anyway and if there are any outside of it they won't be able to see them so you're safe there.
15. Do remember to set a ridiculously high Reserve price and an equally ridiculously low bid start price on your items ~ Buyers have loads of time to waste and just love the frustration of repeatedly being told they haven't won your item.
16. While obeying 1-15, don't list lots of varied items to attract more Buyers - list just ONE expensive item for a week or so and then get upset when it doesn't sell. (thanks, Madelaine)
17. Do remember to set your auction run time for at least a month or more ~ it's a well known fact that Buyers don't want items NOW or in the near future.
18. Don't worry about categories - stick all your stuff anywhere you feel like. (thanks, Madelaine). For example, Buyers will obviously look for Egg Cups in an Electronics category and, of course, eBid will delete listings wrongly categorised anyway so, either way, you get to keep your Egg Cups (or whatever) FOREVER.
19. Prospective buyers actually only want to see a Camera Icon instead of a Gallery picture when they are browsing. So what ever you do, do NOT waste your time and money supplying a thumb nail picture. (thanks, MPS16)
20. Only check your listings and e-mails once a month - Buyers are quite happy to wait that long while you send an invoice and ignore your eBid e-mails. (thanks squern)
21. Don't reply promptly to questions - make Buyers wait a few days, then either give a vague reply that doesn't answer the question, or tell them to like it or lump it. They will appreciate your professional attitude. (thanks squern).
22. If you are selling anything that can be laid flat, like clothing, stand well back when you take a photograph of it. A tiny picture of "something" disappearing into the distance is particularly welcome to Buyers. And never, under any circumstances, include anything in the picture which gives an idea of size or scale - Buyers love a surprise! (thanks squern!)
23. When it comes to problems, disputes or returns - remember, you are always right even if you're wrong.... for detailed strategies see #19. (thanks, squern.)
and so on, ad infinitum and ad nauseum..... but you get the gist?"
The Grinch-Review-Starset Theatre
1 day ago