Tuesday, 22 December 2009

A Big Thanks To Everyone :)

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Dear All,

Just before the end of the 2009 I wanted to thank everyone for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat sh*t in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft is sending me for participating in their special email development program. Or the payout from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a massive phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . I can't use anyone's toilet but my own because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the £5 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's hairdresser.

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Monday, 7 December 2009

I Found A lovely New Shop In Gosport :)

Based in North Cross Street in Gosport, Hampshire, Bizzie Bees Gift Cakes started out as a gift shop for mum's to be and new mums, selling of baby gifts, including nappy cakes.

They now sell a wide range of gift cakes for weddings, babies, children as well as sock cup cakes and pamper cakes. All of the cakes are beautifully presented and make ideal gifts any time of the year.

This is also now my favourite store for bath bombs and soap cake slices. Everything in the Gosport store is fabulous and reasonably priced and the customer care is excellent.

Why not drop by and see Bizzie Bees while you are in town?

Or Visit Their Site